Love's Jagged Edge
by Kawaii-Lawliet-Chan
Summary: Watari has always tried to do what is best for L, but how will he react when he finds out L has a terrible secret? WARNING: YAOI, SEX, CUTTING, RULE 34
1. Chapter 1

These aren't my characters, r&r, and don't flame, plz!

Watari walked into the headmaster's office again, like he did every day. Managing the orphanage was always a stressful job for Watari, but he managed to find pleasure in every action he took there. As he entered, he saw jet black, spiked hair rising above his desk. He circled around and saw a horrible sight. There, in front of him, was his most prized student, L, with his head between his arms, crying.

Watari frowned. Tears weren't an unordinary sight at the orphanage, in fact, he had long ago become accustomed to the devastation of children as a part of his daily life, yet, in all the years he had known L, he had never once seen him cry. Although frequently bullied by other boys who hated him for his looks, and disliked by jealous teachers who hated him for his intelligence, L had always handled every situation with wit and obvious strength.

"L-chan... doushita?" Watari asked, as he approached the crying boy.

Immediately L stopped crying, surprised by Watari's presence, and ashamed at showing weakness in front of another. Especially Watari, who had always had so much confidence in him. He was the prize of Watari's orphanage, the prodigy chosen to carry out justice and here he was crying like a child. Pathetic.

"Nothing, Watari-san. Gomen ne."

Watari stared at the pathetic sight before him. L, he thought, had so much, yet he was crying like a child. "L-kun, you are a prodigy, a gifted person, and you are crying like this? Be a man!" L glared back at him with tear striken eyes. "But Watari-san, i'm nothing. My teachers say i'm nothing; my classmates say i'm ugly, everybody just seems to hate me", L said as he choked back more tears. He couldn't bear to look like a child in front of Watari-san, his one true idol. There was a man who accomplished so much, helped so many. L wondered if he could ever live up to such a glorious image as that which Watari had made.

Again, Watari stared. Part of him wanted to slap the boy for his whining. The other part wanted to embrace him and tell him it was okay to cry. If it was any other child at that orphanage he would have, but not L. There was no room for tears in the life of a man who would soon become the world's greatest detective. Justice didn't have regret. Neither did justice suffer. It simply acted.

"I didn't raise you to be an emo."

L visibly flinched and Watari instantly regretted his words.

"You're right, Watari san. Now excuse me. I have other things to do." _Like slash my wrist... emo is right..._ he thought bitterly, before exiting the room.

L solemnly walked into his room, crashing the door shut behind him. _Watari never understands me. I don't care how smart I am, I have feelings! Nobody understands me, nobody at all, _L thought to himself. He knew what he was going to do next. He was going to forget all that pain; punish himself for being such a child. He knew what he had to do. He walked into his bathroom and reached for the gleaming mirror, whiskiing it open and grabbing his one true friend, his razor. L returned to his bedroom and sat on the bed. He stared at his wrists. _They're all fools, all of them. I hate them all, but I hate myself so much_". The words screamed into his head._ I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate everybody!" _He lowered the blade to his wrist and slashed, "I hate my teachers, I hate my classmates, and I hate Watari",he screamed, as the blood flowed down his arm.

He suddenly felt incredibly calm. L stared as the blood began to over flow from the thin lines, spidering across his wrist, cuts on top of scars on top of scars, always across, never down, and always just deep enough to bleed. The blood rolled down his arm and onto the rolled up sleeve of his shirt, before dripping to the floor.

"Oh shit!" L said outloud before rushing to the kitchen in search of paper towels, laughing as he stumbled along the way.

_"This is why I love cutting. Suddenly, all my problems don't seem to matter anymore. All that matters is that I clean this blood up before it stains the carpet."_

Once exiting the kitchen, with one paper towel wrapped around his bleeding wrist, more paper towels and cornmeal in the other hand, his euphoric smile suddenly vanished upon finding Watari in his room, staring very confused at the drops of blood on the carpet.

Watari-san turned around and focused his eyes upon the frightened L. L tried to hide his bloodstained arm, but Watari grasped it immediatedly. Watari's eyes widened as he looked at L-kun's bloody wrist.. His mouth puckered into a silent scream. He saw scar after scar on L's right wrist, blood seeping out from fresh wounds..

"L-kun, L-kun, What are you doing! Stop it! Give me the razor," Watari screamed as he wrested the razor out of L's fingers. L let the razor slide out of his fingers. He was now only hopeless and tired.

Watari thought to himself, How could he have done something like this, and why, I never knew that it was this bad for him. If only I cared more." "L-kun, How could you have done something like this, what would ever make you hurt yourself like this," Watari screamed, as he shook L.

"Watari-san, nobody loves me, nobody appreciates me, and nobody cares."

"I care, L-kun, I love you"

L gasped in amazement at these words.

Love? Who had ever shown him love... The entire concept was foreign to him. Ridiculous, almost. Not once in his young life could he recall "love." Not from his parents; who decided having a child was just too much trouble for them, not from his classmates; who thought he was a freak, and certainly not from Watari who had always been strictly an authority figure to L.

He could remember Watari playing games with the other kids, laughing, taking care of them, comforting them, but with him, it was always strictly studying. He was a project, a goal. Not someone to love. The whole idea of it was laughable.

"I don't need pity. I'm a genius, remember? I know when I'm being lied too... This won't interfere with my deductions... if anything, it enhances them..." L explained with a smirk. "My mind is always so clear afterwards... don't pretend to understand, because you won't."

Watari frowned, before embracing the hurt boy infront of him.

"I don't care how smart you actually are, you're a fool, if you think I don't care for you. And if you need to cut yourself in order to think clearly, than for god's sake, don't be a detective! It's not worth it, nothing is worth you hurting yourself over, L-kun."

L-kun gazed into Watari-san's eyes with hope and understanding. "Do you really love me, Watari-san," L said inquisitively. "Yes, L-kun, I do, I love you, I love you with all my heart," Watari replied. "Hold me, Watari," L says pleadingly. Watari reached towards L and placed his hands on his shoulders. "Watari-san, I love you, too" cried L, as he held onto Watari gently. L cried softly as he planted his head onto Watari's manly shoulders. "It'll be alright, I promise you," Watari said, reassuringly. L raised his head towards Watari's face. L stared into Watari's shining blue eyes and placed his lips onto Watari's mouth.

Watari made no move, standing still out of shock. He couldn't even think, his mind was a complete blank, and yet soon he found himself returning the kiss. Unfortunately logical thought soon returned to the older man, "_No, no, no... I can't be doing this! He's hurt, he's confused, it's wrong, wrong, wrong." _

Abruptly, Watari broke away from L, gently pushing him back.

"L... we can't do this."

L wrapped his arms around Watari's neck, tilting his head upwards to meet his lips, his kisses more desperate this time.

"God dammit, L! I told you, we can't do this!"

L stopped, and looked down at his feet. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes, and his face burning from embarrassment. _I can't believe I was so stupid... I knew it was all shit... fuck... what a waste..._

"Sorry..." was all L managed to say. He knew if he said anything else he would just end up crying again. Then they would be back to the begining. Watari didn't need anymore crying today... why couldn't they just forget this whole thing?

"L... I do love you... it's just... you're a child."

"I'm old enough to solve the world's most impossible crimes, but you still call me a child?" was L's quiet reply.

"An incredibly gifted child... but a child none the less..."

"Oh, fuck you, I'm 18! I'm smarter than almost any adult, and you know it! How can you say that? You're making excuses, you lie and then you can't follow through... fuck you."

Watari was stunned at the out burst from his student. He had seen more sides to L in this one day than in the past fourteen years. How hard it must have been for him to hold so much pain inside... He knew L had a point, He was eighteen, technically making their actions legal... however... he knew L didn't know what he was saying. He was just upset. L was young, attractive, and a genius. There was no way.

"You're right. I am sorry. I shouldn't have started this... forgive me... but I couldn't forgive myself if I allowed you to do something you'd only regret later on..." Watari knew he was doing the right thing, despite the disappointment he felt.

"I'm old enough to decide for myself what I'll regret..." L smiled, before closing the distance between himself and his guardian, once again kissing the older man passionately.

Watari moaned as L's tongue thrusted into his mouth. _Why am I enjoying this, _he thought, but as soon as L's tongue encircled is, the thought passed out of his mind. Watari reached his hands into L's shirt, feeling his fine well developed physique. L moaned as Watari's fingers tweaked his nipples. "I love you so much, Watari-san", screamed L in the midst of his euphoria. "I love you too, L-kun" moaned Watari.


	2. Chapter 2

L was tired. He couldn't bare it anymore. The gun was right there, in the drawer. Guns were illegal in Japan, but L just didn't care. He opened the drawer, opened his mouth and rested the gun barrel upon his lips, and slowly eazed the trigger. Blood splattered against the wall.

Watari opened the door.

"L-CHAN! NOOOOO!"

It was too late.

The end.


End file.
